I demanded, “I need to know that You’ll always be here.”
He assured me, “I can’t break My word, and that’s exactly what it says, Josh. It says I’ll never leave you; I’ll never forsake you. I said that … to you. It was Me writing those words down through Moses. And Moses wrote those words in confidence with Me because I was fathering him too. He wrote those words from experience, son.”
I said, “That may be, but life has taught me hard lessons. What do You care? Why don’t You just leave? I mean, if You are real, I can’t bear the reality of Your absence. I won’t do this with You. This isn’t a game to me. Why does it have to matter at all what I believe if the result is me without You?! If You’re real, then I need You. It’s not a game. Or does that not matter? I don’t matter? I knew that. What are you even doing here! Just leave already.”
I felt His nearness. He was wrapping me all the way up inside with love.
I was just waking up to the realness of God. I didn’t ask for it, and it was terrifying. I was like some kind of scared animal. I didn’t know if I wanted to fight or let it happen. So far I was ready for anything though.
I was tough. Life had seen to it.
It just kept coming. He was everywhere. His love was all over my unrighteousness—whatever—it just kept going. Like an endless train of a soft garment entering into the barrenness of my heart—a filthy womb of the dead. What was it even doing in there?
I got angry again and said, “I can’t trust You. Just leave already!”
He responded gently, “Son, I’m always here. Right where you are. You have to believe a lie to not sense Me here with you. I made your senses to know. They respond to Me. I am here now and will never leave you. Not ever.”
I could feel His honesty. I began to see His innocence.
Read the the entire article by clicking here, and listen to this episode of Abundant Encounters on Charisma Podcast Network now.
Christian author Joshua Marcengill produces a weekly podcast called Abundant Encounters that utilizes meditation and activations to help Christians cultivate more encounters. To help support his cause or learn more visit abundantencounters.com.
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